I was seeking affirmation, but all my reading only fed my anxiety. But as I get older and increasingly aware that I dont have much time to dither I feel more confused than ever. My husband has been ready to start trying for a while, and in my gut I know I want to be a parent, but I'm only getting more scared. The classes really helped me as you have many choices to make and its good to be informed about the process which has made me feel a lot more comfortable. A recent study of nearly 40,000 women found that those who popped the vitamins for a year prior to conception and throughout their pregnancies were between 50 and 70 percent less likely to deliver early than those who didn't take them. After all, this whole thing is new and nail-bitingly unpredictable. If I do this, Ill lose freedoms, but by being deliberate about the way I want to bring up a family, perhaps its not impossible to set my own terms. Okay ladies, Im looking for some help here. You had more options going for you.. Hearing her describe the emotional rewards of motherhood tugged at my sluggish maternal instincts, the ones that have been woken up by all the teleporting suggested by Ruth Chang. This gave me some peace. How can you ease fear of labor and feel more prepared for childbirth? "Say, 'I really appreciate it, but I think I'll have that conversation with my doc,'" suggests Dr. Gaither. You are doing what you want to do with your life, thats more important to me.. "There's sometimes societal expectations that make us afraid to say we're afraid," says Kocis. Right then, the tears began flooding down my face, but what I felt wasn't joy. because the U.S. lags far behind other countries in parental leave and support, and I want to keep my ambitious career even though the system is rigged. Her research and plan helped her feel more informed and in control, allowed her to decide what medicines she was OK with, and after a difficult road to motherhood, she overcame her fear of giving birth. And then when the baby is ready to survive on their own you have to go through a painful gross birth that forever changes your body and leaves it wrecked for a few weeks or longer. But for all my attention to our warming, divisive world and worries about stepping away from a lifestyle that I enjoy, Kissling admits it is hard to ignore our evolutionary instincts to reproduce. Oh, Im so sorry you went through that. Everyone I know who had c sections recovered with no. I am so scared there isn't a baby in there anymore, or they'll tell me there is no heartbeat. Now with a surprise 3rd It would be less stressful knowing you dont have to go through that again. Its amazing how close you feel to that little tiny person that you bring into the world, she tells me. "When it comes to birth, there is a fear of a lack of control over our bodies and inability to protect and keep that baby safe from unpredictable events.". Scared to tell him I'm pregnant. - Pregnancy - eNotAlone I'm scared - August 2023 Babies | Forums | What to Expect I never really pre-thought it. Im just starting to show now and its scary because its so real but its so lovely too. Any advice? Bad ones? Hang in there: Most expectant parents are able to stomach a wider variety of healthy foods after about 16 weeks, which is coincidentally about when your baby needs to start gaining more weight, too. "Also remember that most miscarriages happen within the first few weeks of pregnancy, when many women typically don't realize they're expecting and wouldn't know if they did miscarry," she says. The average labor for first-time moms lasts around 20 hours and about eight hours for second-timers. And knowing that the nurse or doctor can make a life altering mistake during labor that could hurt my baby or myself LITERALLY freezes me and makes me tremble. And then, theres childcare costs, No more impromptu cocktails, yoga, solo trips to the movies or lazy Sundays, When I hear a toddler screeching on the street, I flinch. . Learn how we keep our content accurate and up-to-date by reading ourmedical review and editorial policy. Or maybe you can look into surrogacy? Many friends and I feel a certain relief that we are not leaving behind, in this world, children to suffer with climate change, lack of water, some of the dystopian views of where the world will go in the future., Asking what future my child would have is important, according to Kissling. At some point or another, most moms-to-be have worried about at least a few of these scenarios. So I have a question, Is anyone else scared of pregnancy? Im a woman of a certain age, in a certain Brooklyn neighborhood, I have an accent - she can easily make some assumptions about me, my life and the reasons Im popping to see a psychic after work on a Thursday. So far its all worth it nausea and all! Stages of Labor and Birth: Baby, It's Time! The internet is full of blogs and forums that don't necessarily offer evidenced-based information and advice. "It's usually toward the longer end of the range for firstborn children," says Christiane Northrup, MD, author of Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom. Of course its tough some days but its worth it, thank you!! Reddit, Inc. 2023. You would be a good mom. Tokophobia Fear of Pregnancy Symptoms and Causes - Health No teenagers. The best way to protect your baby: Take a multivitamin with folic acid before pregnancy and pop your prenatal vitamins daily to reduce the risk of brain and spinal defects. I was too afraid to give birth. Its their job. Jul 16, 2023 at 5:59 AM My first, my son, was conceived almost a year after a miscarriage and trying hard to get pregnant and I was so excited and felt so much love that entire pregnancy. Internal exams and the need for a physician and nurses to touch the genital area can be triggering. thank you!! I want another baby but I'm scared!! Dr. Harrison suggests having these conversations around the start of the third trimester, as these discussions are best had in the doctor's office rather than during labor at the hospital. Look into hypnobirthing. "I thought, 'Something was meant to go wrong. But Im scared. Heres the thing: You, dear mama, are the only one in the delivery room with this worry. Kissling knew she never wanted to have children, and was sterilized at 33. Also, Im not averse to change. When You Want a Baby So Bad It Hurts I want to be a parent, but I am absolutely terrified. If youve had a C-section in the past, does your physician support trying for avaginal delivery after C-section, or VBAC, this go round? We are healthy and financially stable, earning good money. I Want to Be a Mom, but I'm Scared I would love to have another but I'm really, really scared of going through labor and the first few weeks following again. Don't know if you want a baby? This is how I found my answer or sip a glass of juice at a brunch, then realize it's unpasteurized. How will I get by being a working mom. But letting go of the idea that someone or something will swoop in and tell you what to do forces us to properly consider our values, and the reasons we want to do something in the first place, which gives you a more active role in your choice. Dr. Harrison credits her research with helping her achieve a positive birth experience, but she cautions that where you find the information matters. I know adoption is always an option, but I just want to get some perspective from some other women. Remember, too, that there are a variety of otherlabor pain management options you can discuss with your practitioner if the thought of an epidural continues to give you anxiety. I found out yesterday I am pregnant with number 3, my eldest is 4 in January and my baby (who will not be the baby!!) They are pictured above in Los Angeles in 2015. I'm on number 5 and I feel complete. For you, its like an added bonus. There's also health concerns - if we want to keep our health insurance, I have to go back to work at 3mos, which means sending an infant to day care with other kids and adults we don't know. Baby girl is almost 5 months, and is likely teething and has sounded congested (despite our daily attempts with saline and snot sucker). Im due tomorrow and feeling a little daunted about what is around the corner! The unconditional love that is there between you, having a little person dependent on you, and in a way you are dependent on them too. He may dump you and want to sign his rights to the baby off to lead the way for adoption. "If you're concerned about being a good parent," he adds, "it's a positive sign. Even with a planned pregnancy, I was depressed. Turns out I'm not alone Lots of people do the pro-cons thing until the cows come home, then they are stuck. We believe you should always know the source of the information you're reading. 2005-2023Everyday Health, Inc., a Ziff Davis company. The good stuff about having a kid is so ineffable, so hard to see from the other side, that I guess maybe there is no logical way to decide. Taking a healthy approach and looking after myself definitely worked. From relationship goals to sex advice: if it's about sex or relationships, share it here. It was a good way to frame some of the questions and options Ive been considering too. I have heard that planned c sections are very nice and easy. Ive always operated out of fear and lost out on so many things in life. Thank you!! Group Black's collective includes Essence Opens a new window, The Shade Room Opens a new window and Naturally Curly Opens a new window. so i understand what you went through. "Sometimes, being able to talk through those experiences can make a world of help.". Diana asks: Did something happen 10 years ago? So don't fret if you accidentally order a turkey sandwich (oopsforgot that cold cuts are off-limits!) To post this on social media ." on Instagram: "Daughter becomes Mother . He may propose or want to stay together in a different way and raise the baby. American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. Can anyone relate to any of these fears or am I bat crazy and need to give up all hope of being a mother? Support groups, even virtual ones, give women the space to ask questions and tools to advocate for themselves. Often, it's due to a chromosomal abnormality that prevents the fetus from developing normally, and miscarrying is totally unavoidable not because of anything you did or didn't do. Archived post. My first step is to obviously get pregnant which just isnt happening right now. @gemmaN1985, thank you . When I had my 2nd kid, I was so overwhelmed and told my husband that we are done having babies. Read up on pain management techniques, attend childbirth classes, poll all your friends for tips on how they got through labor, and draw up a birth plan to discuss with your doctor. You're far from alone. Iowa Legislature passes 6-week 'heartbeat' abortion ban in special session Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked. But agonizing over every decision will drive you crazyand there's no need for it. Looks like I may request the csection route next time. Did you just read tear on its own and add another fear to your list? No worry or fear related to your pregnancy or delivery is too small. That includes serious ones as well as all of the thousands of other identified abnormalities, many of which are small and insignificant, like a problem with a toenail or a tiny heart defect that goes away soon after birth without causing any health issues. I never wanted natural children, originally. A block? No, thats not the way to go, my mom says. Kocis advises women to choose providers who give them a safe space to talk about their fears and provide helpful advice and strategies to help them overcome them. Doctors share the truth about your biggest pregnancy worriesand why they're not as scary as you think. Want baby no.3 but I am scared - Netmums Scared I'm going to have a chemical pregnancy. | BabyCenter What should I do? Dianas reading room is a window-front shop right on the street, the kind with a big neon sign and crystals on every surface. If it's making you anxious, you have every right to ask them to stop. They had to use a vacuum to get her out after 22 hours of labor. Nearly four years ago . So what causes a miscarriage? A solid list, in my view, and one that I could add to. He already has a wonderful child so he accepted the fact that we weren't having any . "They'd just get a normal-looking period.". Heidi Murkoff Asked Dr. Fauci, Abuse and Domestic Violence During Pregnancy, What to Do if Your Toddler Keeps Running Away, Learn About What to Expect's Pregnancy & Baby App. Being scared does go eventually I promise we all feel that way in the beginning. 1. Your life will change of course. 11 Things You Can Do to Better Empower Yourself in Pregnancy, Birth, and the Postpartum Period. Cookie Notice My baby isn't getting enough to eat. Who knows what he'll say. To view profiles and participate in discussions please, just delivered a baby! My morning sickness is terrible! My husband (29M) and I (28F) was talking about having a baby for a few months now. That actually wasnt bad at all! Im not sure about this teleporting idea, but I give it a try anyway. Threatened miscarriages, bleeding, placental previa, gestational diabetes, anemia, and pre-eclampsia are a few complications that can occur in pregnancy that may require extra monitoring. But stressing over your stress is useless, says Dr. Morseespecially because a super-taxing day at work is not going to harm your baby. Ill likely need another c section in order to do so and Ill actually be totally fine with it! Dianas observations forced me to think beyond the should I or shouldnt I question and consider areas such as where and when do I want one, and what do I need to get done first. You do have to think about the rights of the children you will bring into the world and have some sense of confidence that they will be able to flourish, and not have an excessive amount of suffering., I also need to take a long look at myself and ask if Im fit to be a parent. Id totally forgotten about that. Jan 26, 2021 at 2:29 PM This is going to be a semi-long one. And to be honest, poop happens often. Why cant I just be a normal woman who doesnt care about any of these things? Pregnant after miscarriage (I'm scared) - March 2024 Babies | Forums Youll be able to move past your ambivalence once you understand the real root of it, and it might help to start by looking less at parenthood in general and more at childhoodyours. Issues. Im in my final week and I cant lie, Im a little petrified about what lies ahead. In the morning when I snooze my alarm, on the subway after work, I think about my future self and picture a baby in it. Use of this site is subject to our terms of use and privacy policy. And once your muscles regain their strength, a lot of new parents actually find their sex lives improve post-baby. Please specify a reason for deleting this reply from the community. As for having a toddler and newborn its great and Im so happy I have two. That I wont have any me-time. But we have the power to make an option better and more appealing for ourselves. All About Vaginal Birth After C-Section. It means you really, deeply care." You have lost your way. Being a stepmom was always just perfect for me and I never wanted anything more than that, but now that I'm almost 40, I'm feeling like I do want a baby. I'm scared to give. Her advice is to think about and write down the values that are important to you both in terms of raising children and the contribution you want to make to the world and the kind of life you will be able to give to a child. Its great watching them grow up and see what life they make for themselves.. Pain is just temporary but the birth of a child is something you dont want to miss. "That will go a long way toward putting your mind at ease.". As I waited for what felt like hours, two pink lines became noticeably visible. I need to hang out with some parents and their kids. But I see greatness.. But youre right: This isnt a decision thats made based on logic. It would be nice to know what to expect for sure!! Iv had two kids now pregnant again and still have the same fear of labour. For her, its a mistake to ignore the world around us when thinking about starting a family. The reason Im doing all of this is because I cant commit to something. I tried pushing for a good while but my son was big (8lbs 8oz) and i apparently have a narrow pelvis. Erin Andrews On Infertility, Surrogacy And Becoming A Mom We have plenty of money, family nearby to help, etc. You have it in you to join their ranks and reap the most amazing reward at the finish line a beautiful baby. This forum has also been brilliant for asking questions and receiving helpful advice from women who are experiencing or have recently experienced the same. Maybe I dont deserve a child. Main page; Contents; Current events; Random article; About Wikipedia; Contact us; Donate; Help; Learn to edit; Community portal; Recent changes; Upload file If you constantly find yourself over the toilet bowl, your doctor may prescribe an anti-nausea medication that is safe for the baby. "It's important to not only understand what is natural and what your body can do but also what happens if something doesn't go according to plan," says Dr. Deutsch. Youre being minimized and not fulfilling your potential. Women in the movies cry from happiness and get swung around by their partners. Talk to your doctor about when and why shes performed them in the past and express any concerns you have. Finally, some homework. So many. You get along with them. It was a normal thing, she says. You should speak with your doctor now about what precautions they will take next time to make sure those things dont happen and if they do, what will be in place to help you/baby quickly and safety. She has a class coming up on children and family that will explore all the questions Im interested in: should you have children? Its worth it but gosh was it scary! none the less baby will be adored. And not knowing is beginning to stress me out. It took me about 9 months and like Clairelouise91 suggests, we ended up taking a break. But also I am scared that we wont adjust to a new life after baby. We start with a tarot reading. Why We Need to Stop Talking About Giving Birth 'Naturally', What to Do if You're Afraid to Give Birth, This Is What Working With a Virtual Doula Really Looks Like, How to Create Your Birth Plan: A Checklist for Parents, Tips for a Non-Medicated, Low-Intervention 'Natural' Birth, Top Pregnancy Fears You Can Feel Better About, 8 Questions About Pregnancy Sex, Answered, 12 Alternatives to Epidurals During Labor, The Best Exercises to Induce Labor Naturally, This Is What Your Baby Experiences During Labor and Delivery, What is VBAC? I'm 36 and I want a baby and so for me . Not only talk to your friends, spend the day or borrow the kid for a weekend. Feb 14, 2022 at 6:18 AM Yes, I was 25 when I found out I was pregnant. To experience what it feels like to be pregnant, give birth and love something you and your partner have made Are these good reasons? If that reason is something you are doing for yourself, fair enough, but it shouldnt be something you are doing for the family., Knowing how much I value my independence and freedom, she also urges me to think about how different my life would be as a mom. First: This is pain with a positive purpose that is, to thin and open your cervix and bring your baby into the world. I see a blocker. I feel like Id be worried so much about so many things that could go wrong that Id never sleep or eat (because thats what I do when Im scared or nervous) and then my old body would just miscarry anyway from stress. I'm Pregnant and Scared - Preemies - Inspire 01 of 14 Why it's normal to worry during pregnancy Shutterstock It's only natural to worry a bit throughout your pregnancy. What if something happens to my husband and I will have to provide for a child. Knowing that some of the anti nausea pills can hurt my baby makes me feel like a selfish witch in the first place for even wanting to take them at all. This is how I found my answer, We want to hear from childfree women: share your experiences. Be kind to yourself and take each day as it comes. I have 2 kids currently an almost 5-year-old boy and a 2.5-year-old girl. Share your journey! Youve got some key practicalities coveredthe money, the family members nearbybut beyond that, no amount of thinking or research is going to move you forward. Bit of a long shot, but does anyone have any tips to help get a baby used to a sling/carrier? I want children but I am scared and creeped out by pregnancy "Eat small, frequent meals," adds Dr. Morse. A safe place for those who aren't sure whether they want to have kids, or not. Dear Therapist: How Do I Know If I'm Compromising Too Much for My Partner? My other sister [J] is 10 years older than me. I try it the other way too. So far, Im planning to get a gift for him from the baby, make sure Im not holding baby are often just phases but if anyone has any tips of ways to help then please suggest. I had such a fantastic pregnancy but my labor was very traumatic. #1 R.lily, May 23, 2008. Like many parents-to-be, you hold your breath during every single prenatal test, hoping the results will prove your baby is healthy and developing on track. Group Owners uphold the core values of the brand by reporting content that violates the community guidelines. I wonder if Im just too worked up. The careers werent quite so intense and attractive for women as they are now. The pregnancy journey is different for every women. I completely understand what you mean about it feeling like a teen pregnancy. "If you feel the anxiety is getting in the way of your ability to connect with your pregnancy or have any chance to enjoy childbirth, then I would recommend talking to a therapist," says Dr. Harrison. An episiotomy is a procedure where the tissue between the vagina and the anus (called the perineum) is cut in order to allow more room for baby. We Asked Real Parents: What Does Giving Birth Feel Like? I lost so much blood during labour I was severely anaemic and could barely stand afterwards and couldn't do much for my new baby. Part of the problem is we dont have much exposure to kids. Group Leaders arent expected to spend any additional time in the community, and are not held to a set schedule. About Newsroom Store Contact Newsroom Store Contact On the last Monday of each month, Lori Gottlieb. But I couldn't imagine anything other than the pain I was experiencing. You're not alone. How do I get over this? That and not getting sleep for months. Why Is Folic Acid Important for Pregnancy? Our. Then, around 30 weeks, it hit her: This could happen. When you commit to a certain type of life, hard choices become fewer because you are on that path., Chang is a chair of jurisprudence at Oxford University and has been a professor of philosophy for 20 years. Ive robbed myself of so much. That we wont know how to take care of a baby. I am actually scared to tell my husband I'm pregnant There is also additional support here to help you work through your emotions, process the news, and educate yourself on your options. She never doubted she wanted to be a mom and start her family young. I tell my mom about my list and my quest to advance my decision-making skills. By clicking Accept All Cookies, you agree to the storing of cookies on your device to enhance site navigation, analyze site usage, and assist in our marketing efforts. Being a stepmom was always just perfect for me and I never wanted anything more than that, but now that Im almost 40, Im feeling like I do want a baby. What is VBAC? I was done at 4.) The fact is, theres no way youll know what its like to be a parent until you are one. I havent tried myself but Ive heard great things about it. In other words, they're not the scary last-minute, rush-into-the-OR kind, says Dr. Morse. If the provider is not willing to do that, it may be best to find someone else. "Regardless of your worrying style, it's most important to have a doctor you trust and can chat openly with about your fears and wishes in the delivery room, and who can talk you through what to really expect," says Dr. Morse. The guilt started to hit me. Here, doctors explain the real facts about the things that freak you out most. Welp. It may be just what you need. I did it, but it was rough. So the question is, how do you know youre ready?