how to ask a muslim girl for marriage

yeah, its better to never generalize and instead we should focus on the best lessons we can take from their livesAnd Allah Knows Best! Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet. Do not ask the girl to stand next to your daughter just so that you can measure her height. I want to marry a Christian girl who will become Muslim but after marriage my parents are not giving permission. I am Muslim American if you think for one second Im about to marry a sister I only get to see at our wedding then u might as well take that concept back to the EAST because it makes no sense. You should note that marriage to a righteous man is a blessing from Allaah, and a blessing cannot be acquired by means of sin. Also I think women more naturally have that warm, smily, giggly, cute feeling going on where the guy is like omg shes so adorable, he doesnt take it as her being flirty or gets offended, like it doesnt take THAT much to impress a guy, hes already usually impressed by how cute/attractive a girl is where lets face it guys, and guys are harder to offend in terms of being chatty or whatever. One more thing dont rush it or you will be sitting empty handed. Even if the wife hates cooking, it wouldnt hurt the husband to show kindness by being patient and encouraging her. Trust me, im speaking from experience. It is not permissible for any man to correspond with a woman who is not his mahram, because of the fitnah (temptation) involved in that. Know your taste, but survey the landscape before taking a dive. If you are ill and no Mother-in-law around then every day. 2. She knows that Muslim women are not the only ones that are abused and looked down upon when she goes out wearing the correct Islamic Hijab, she knows her husband is going through the same and even more day in and day out as he has to keep the beard, keep his trousers, garments above the ankle, he has to work at least 5 days a week, he has to face muslims, pious and impious and non-Muslims, their abuse and backbiting, slandering, plus face the fitnah of women and their beauty. I think I was a bit hard .. They just put her to sleep, they are so boring. You wont get backstage information from the sisters like this very commonly and itll be really helpful, InshaAllah. Deen and good manners should be the main criteria, and I dont think something like asking about cooking or not bringing a gift should be something major enough for a sister to reject a good brother altogether. What Is An Imam Worth? Try to stay in touch with her whether by phone, e-mail, letters, etc.. Asking about someones citizenship is not accusing them of trying to marry for a green card. Here are the ways to find the before you think of the ways on how to ask for marriage in Islam: So those are all the ways on how to ask for marriage in Islam. Dont they have sisters, aunts, cousins and relatives to talk to and understand? Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features. A brother knows that it is his responsibility to provide for his wife, but dont ask him about his finances or how much does he makes. Weird. Jzkh. Such as that your family want to wait a bit more and they need more preparation. To be honest, I dont think it has anything to do with religious, less religious, having had practice or not. Im sorry I disagree. You run into brothers who seriously are poor at conversation or enjoy lecturing the girl on work and politics. You think women just sit there sipping a cup of tea while the food preps and cooks itself, and miraculously winds up on the table ready to go? Get married because of Allah, because you want to fulfill half of the religion and want to seek more of his blessings. Lets face it nobody is angel over here and everybody has faults . Who is this pious wife? If a brother came over for a visit but nothing happened beyond that, dont tell your friends that he proposed, especially if he didnt. 2, p.8. I totally agree, usually in Pakistani culture we bring like a little gift or sweets whenever we go to someones house we never went to before, and its a beautiful tradition, BUT that gift is usually from the parents to the parents. I really dont want to do anything that is Haraam or isnt right.. and i do have faith in Allah..that if he is good for me oneday we will be together So i just needed some advice on this.. is talkin to a non-mahram guy online wrong?.. With this exception the laws of the Shariah have imposed no responsibility on them. Such actions imply that she is just a toy that can be played with used and discarded whenever you deem fit. So such sister would be getting waited for years and years and not getting married because she cant find such tycoon lol or Maybe she is got married just in 20s wish such a tycoon but he dont know about deen neither he love his deen so gradually this woman would stop loving and learning the deen as well, so what would be their future and how their off-springs would be? How Do I Approach a Girl for Marriage While I Am Still Studying? In the UK we have something like this; if US doesnt, may they should. It is also important to mention that not every brother who is not a citizen is looking to get married for the purpose of getting the citizenship. lol, read the above advice, How to make your wife happy. If he is single but has the intention of marrying more than one sister, at what point would it be considered proper etiquette to mention this? you cant just say you wont understand, so stay out of this discussion .. its your job as a muslim to help somebody understand and be inviting and polite and open-minded. Not only will that not make your future any more secure, but asking him about his salary or savings makes him think twice about the reason why you are marrying him. The key here is that you want to be as straightforward as possible, without scaring him away. May Allah reward the author(s). Funny I was actually asked by a sisters parent to see my W2 Tax statement to verify my job and how much I made. Your respect and kindness to your husbands family is respect and kindness to your husband. "As salaamu alaykum (Her Name), as in most cases it becomes trade for them. 2. but you have to see that you cant expect every family in america to be happy and content doing the same exact things. First, implicit and explicit advice several times. Not specific conditions and situations. InshAllah those who are looking for a spouse for the right reasons meet their perfect match and live a happy family life, Ameen :), *side note: and my husband didnt bring any flowers or anything the first time he came to visit me and my family and that really annoyed me so I told him like that hurt my feelings hahahah so the second time, he brought flowers, a cake, and an Islamic book to make up for it! so it doesnt only have to be digested sweets! No one is saying it is an obligation for the wife to cook, as that will need proof from the Book and the Sunnah. The same way there are many brothers who maybe willing to marry a muslimah. And ofcourse wives should be eager to please husbands. Escape from using insults and words that may hurt her feelings. The same I believe goes for practicing sisters. Otherwise you will be questioning yourselves as to why you are being rejected and single. I never knew that there is so much involved in this matter. (this does not automatically end your financial responsibility either). @Your sis youre points are very well stated. If you are single, then dont ask the man that you expect him to cook, or contstantly eat take aways or TV food.. By clicking Accept, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. As of now, you know that it is permissible for you to marry someone whom you love. Do not look like a baboon with lavish make-up, as it is a right put off for brothers. They should not let their voices be soft, or use soft and gentle expressions. Dont be insecure about your provision. yes but some of these girls have spent a long time studying and becoming doctors and lawyers and are trying to do something great with their lives they have become 25 or 30 because they have their MD, MS, MBA, JD, OR PHD.. isnt that something to be proud of and let her follow her dreams to? and vice versa. Thats the thing that comes to my mind when both the genders are fighting with eachother. May Allaah azza wa jalla guide us, aameen. Or they expect her interests to be mirrors of theirs in every way. Meet him in the middle of the night through the Istikharah prayer, which means you are confessing to him that you are in doubt, lost, and need Him to help you making the right decision. Ive been married before, Ive sponsored my previous husband. Brothers you need to understand that similarly, cooking and cleaning themselves are big jobs and it cant be fun dicing vegetables, gutting fearsomely raw poultry and facing the heat so much (and rubbing the same surface area day after day in case of cleaning). But with the free time I manage a females only orphanage/madrasa that homes 221 of these beautiful, wonderful girls. If the glance(and also preferably some speech) is enough to convince each other,then why do long hours of meeting and talking necessary?An imitation of the Kuffars life,perhaps? How to Do a Muslim Engagement Ceremony? | About Islam Set the intention right for marriage. So great to have, but know that 9 out of 10 times it comes w/ the price that you are not the first girl hes talked to at length for other than academic/work related purposesand further hes probably eveb flirted, dated, been in relationships, etc. He will respect you, though, and be more inclined to you if you do it this way. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. Perhaps these things do not happen in west but Ive seen them happen here in India. Avoid wearing a t-shirt, sweats, or dirty socks trust us, sisters notice. Salam is a sunnah and a duaa for her as well. In Islam, joking is Sunnah but it can be haraam if someone is joking over some serious matters, and marriage is one of them. Correspondence between young men and women involves a great deal of fitnah and danger, so we must avoid it, even though the questioner says that this correspondence is free from immorality and love. The vast majority of the Sahaba were converts as well. past psychological issues), this is very sensitive and I imagine it would be very difficult for a prospective suitor to discuss them within the first couple of meetings. Forgive my ignorance. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. Say that you have ready to devote your life to his daughter for the rest of your life and you are sure that you can provide her with all she needs. Sometimes I feel religious brothers completely miss this part when working on themselves. Why is that so? Return as soon as possible. Here are some ideas on boundary setting that may resonate with you: Ah, the classic rummaging through the wardrobe for hours to find the perfect fit. Assalamu Alaikum Brother, Even if she seems interested in such a relationship and wants to keep in close contact, you should keep things formal and professional and keep in mind that she may end up marrying someone else. So please be conscious of how your actions affect others, I cannot stress that enough. Really you hear about these great brothers with great qualities. Try putting even 2 boys in one room and the chaotic effect that follows- that too is because ALLAH has Created everyone differently- He has laid down a general rule but this rule will have different meanings for everyone based on their personalities, background and upbrining. Look for the right quality, just like the Prophet said. The parents ask the love-drunk American sweetheart if she wants to marry her son. Thats so funny! What is your understanding of an Islamic marriage? I think everybody here has brought up valid explanations. One of the greatest scholars of the sunnah gave his son this advise on his wedding day: Women like from their husbands what their husbend like from them: kind words, good looks, clean cloths and a pleasent odour. I agree Ayesha :) Actually our role model is the prophet(pbuh). Again, its a matter of different standards and expectations between the sexes as to what constitutes attraction, I agree with you that conversation, personality, and the like are important. refusing intercourse without cause frequently, constantly not praying on time, leaving the house for long periods of time without permission nor refusing to tell him where she had been, etc.. Abu J I agree to your post .. 100% correct and then these females wonder why they are single yet . I know way too many sisters who were talking to bros for weeks, months, and everything was going fine. For example, as mentioned in the hadith, after the demise of Hafsa bint Umar . MashaaAllah beneficial article even though much of it seems common mannerisms. Ensure she is wearing proper Hijab before leaving house. Divorce that took place between a Sahabi and Sahabiyah are individual specific cases, they parted from one another due to their own reasons. In the article about sisters crushing on duaat and tullabul ilm, many of the sisters claimed that there are very few brothers around these days who are suitable for marriage. With all due respect, it just shows that its an excuse unless any clear explanation is given. This is how some Muslim cultures do it, while others may find it strange to perform anikwithout performing the wedding. Sometimes her family may say the marriage is impossible for one reason or another, but they may change their opinion eventually. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. There is a great reward in visiting relatives and pious people. May Allah give you the best of this world and the next. And I dont think anyone would say that practicing sisters dont know how to flirt or that they dont flirt with their husbands after they get married (if you are married and you dont, maybe you should). They want us to allow them to work and earn , but when (we) men want them to do something as small as cooking , they object and get all furious . Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. I asked who s that from . How to Make Him Marry Me? Can I Ask Allah? | About Islam This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional". if you are both happy, and have a happy household, there is pleasing Allah in that too. This is halal? So all these things which are discussed above would come under un-islamic. what did the wife of Prophet (pbuh)say? 1. it is backward crazies like you that scare non-muslims away from trying to enter our deen. I personally dont think that this is because of a lack of practice brother ZAI, because these are things that come naturally to us as men when we are around women, if we free ourselves from any restrictions that is and allow ourselves to act upon our natural instincts. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance". Here is a long list of essential questions to ask a potential husband: What is the most thing you value in your life? Here are the things to know before marrying a Muslim. my sweet-heart, honey, saaliha, etc. EDIT: Reading some of the comments below, I m forced to think that women (&men) are not very flexible and want their ways. I agree with everything you said sister, except the first point. but try not to FORCE a woman to be someway that she doesnt like to be. Nobody is interested in your love and harmony lecture . Allah never enjoined on me or any other women to cook or wash windows. Get ready to face many questions and doubt. ***Best way in my opinion: For example, if you're dating a Muslim girl and she has a car, you should drive whenever you meet. If the brother and his family express interest, let them know if you are interested or not within a reasonable time frame. The Shaytaan makes each of them imagine attractive qualities in other, which leads them to develop an attachment that detrimental to their spiritual welfare and worldly affairs. I thought iblees was our sworn enemy. Marriage from the initial request to the actual marriage should be carried out with dignity and honour. Yet they were the most well-mannered and chivalrous of people because they learned that from the one with the best manners. They usually cant do this so its better not to expect anything from them .. Todays muslim women . Salaam Alaikum Brother while I respect your concern but where does it say phone text social networks are not permissible in the process of finding a mate or having contact to determine if someone is suitable for marriage? The conversation went like this: Sister: Im not cooking for my husband for the rest of my life. He is her hell or heaven. ' and do it. Some girls do not like being directly asked, What dishes can you cook?, or when a trolley is rolled out during a visit, What did she make from these items? Cooking is something anyone can easily learn after marriage, and most do, so please do not ask this question directly. is it okay to add a prospect on facebook? Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means [al-Nisaa 4:34], Ali ibn Abi Talhah said, narrating from Ibn Abbaas: Men are the protectors and maintainers of women means, they are in charge of them, i.e., she should obey him in matters of obedience that Allaah has enjoined upon her, and obey him by treating his family well and taking care of his wealth. Is it Permissible to Allow Wheelchairs in a Masjid? Even if she is not a virgin, and she repented from adultery, she shouldn't tell you that before marriage. First, you should mention the matter to your own family. Heck, Im would say Im pretty easygoing and sociable, but even I get all jumbled up & nervous when talking to a suitor. personally i never learned how to cook before i was married because i was studying and working 24/7 and never had any time then i got married and i felt bad that my husband was working 24/7 and wanted a nice healthy home cooked meal so i learned slowly and figured it out and though i still dont really like to cook and its tons of harddd work and even though i am tired from going to school and studying and homework, and lots of meetings, etc etc i still go do groceries and errands and clean everything and prepare and cook lots of food and clean everything after and it takes soooo long and i get reallyyy exhausted at the end of it but then when my husband eats it and is really happy and appreciates it and says thanks for being such a sweet and caring wife it makes everything totally worth it to me :) so theres a difference between ability to cook, attitudes towards it before marriage, attitudes during marriage, and attitudes towards cooking itself, and attitudes towards cooking for your husband .these are all separate. Just please dont bring flowers. if you want to stay here, show some patience and understanding to the culture around you. Can We Take the Hanafi Opinion on Wudu When Making Hajj? This is deep reflective question. Yes, he should talk to the mahram and wali of that woman, once his intention is for marriage. Isnt this more like a Islamic family lifestyle . Seeing as how shes the breadwinner I guess you better have baked some bread for when she gets home from her 9-5 eh? May be I am a small bit naive. So be pleased with him by making things easy upon him and not burdening him with that which he does not have the ability to undertake or by requesting things that are out of his reach. :(. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. Im just curious. ), Khadijah approached her close friend, Nafisa, and asked to speak to the Prophet (PBUH) about marriage. This can really do some serious damage to her self esteem, even if she was a pretty confident sister to begin with. Because it is human nature to start having hopes etc. Make sure you put down the price for your Dowry and not your Father, Uncle. Sistas stop jacking up these outrageous dowries wonder why youre are still single. Praying istikhara before any major decision, or minor for that matter, is a good habit. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. And remember, if his Facebook or Twitter profile shows an entirely other side, then double check to make sure you have the right person as there could be other people who have the same name, and in some cases the brother might not have Facebook or Twitter altogether. It should not be taken lightly, nor left to chance or hormones. They can say something like 'hey we're actually looking to consider somebody for our brother, you might know him we thought you would be a good fit. They need to prepare the ceremony and festivities, also worrying they will lost their sons to other girl. A Muslim family comes at her home and see her, she has to smile and blush and bring tea and then she goes away and that family says no.. i dont like this girl so they dont want to ask her family for her hand for their son. Umm Sulaym had become Muslim before Abu Talhah. AIDING IN THE OBEDIENCE TO ALLAH One must be serious about marriage, as it only done once a lifetime as everyone wish for. How do you think marital disputes should be resolved? Call back. 4. You talk, investigate and decide after praying istikhara and take the step and leave the rest to Allah swt. Sigh, guess Ive gotta stop wearing sweatpants where ever I go now. If you dont cook who will, unless your living in poor country ann in a rich house. Its very easy to find a lot of information about a guy online, so if he says one thing, yet his Facebook or Twitter profile shows an entirely other side, thats a major red flag for a sister during the initial stages. Some sisters fall into the trap of assuming that just because a brother came to visit that he is very interested and would do anything to marry her, and with that assumption in mind the girl usually approaches the whole issue with what can be perceived as an arrogant mentality by the brother. No. I guess its just been too many times where brothers literally look at me to keep the conversation going or they go into lecture mode and I dont get why. At the time, I thought it would be no big deal. It sort of plays into the mood of the whole piece I guess. Alright, so both of you have the same goals getting married and settling down together. It all falls into place naturally, instead of raising friction and resentment between us. Yes, these factors are social constructs and not important except in matters of getting through this world, but they ARE very real practical issues and it would be foolish to ignore them. It's s'all good. How do I know this? Do not speak to strange or foreign men (those who you are not married to) except that your husband allows you to do so and under the conditions set by the Shareeah. If they are not interested in a sister or something comes up, some brothers just never contact her or her family again. Can a anaf Resident Pray Behind a Shfie Traveller? Is he introverted or extroverted? The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other. The ruling lays down that according to the Shariah it is not the responsibility of a woman to cook food for the household. This means that the families of both the man and the woman have to be involved in the process, it is not something the man and the woman can set up entirely on their own. Some of the DO NOT are troubling. She knows that Muslim women are not the only ones that are abused and looked down upon when she goes out wearing the correct Islamic Hijab, she knows her husband is going through the same and even more day in and day out as he has to keep the beard, keep his trousers, garments above the ankle, he has to work at least 5 days a week, he has to face muslims, pious and impious and non-Muslims, their abuse and backbiting, slandering, plus face the fitnah of women and their beauty.
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