i snooped and found out she liedi snooped and found out she lied

I'm sorry if all this rambling didn't make sense and I thank anyone who reads this. Do I tell her I know shes lying? Maybe theyre engaging in petty dramas. When I saw her the next day, I asked her what her plans were (they were to meet with Dick) as I was to be heading home. She said something along the lines that she was hoping I was staying in the tent because she wanted to drink but she didn't want to have to pay and me being out with her would ruin her chances of guys buying her drinks. Is that worth the risk of losing her trust and her seeing me as controlling? But that sounds fucking crazy and if I have to take such drastic measures is this even a relationship worth saving? 2023 ZIFF DAVIS CANADA, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. I snooped and only looked at his messages with his best friend. /r/Relationships is a community built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors. Who knew it was our lame mortal genes and not our lazines. It does not matter how you know, thats not the point. Feb 1, 2016 autocraig said: Just recently found my out my wife of 11 years and partner of 20 years, since 15 years old, has been texting and talking to another man behind my back for a few months. We didnt have facebook for high schoolers back when I was in high school, but I cant help but feel that my mother would have used it more to try to be my best friend than to make sure I was staying safe.Read more . According to a survey by. I apologize and tell her that had I known we would end up actually seeing each other again and pursuing a relationship, I would not have done it. My gf of almost 7 months left her laptop at my place two weeks ago, and I decided (after hesitating for some time) to check her mailbox. On the same note if I look at my wife's email or texts it is not a big deal. Oh and we will find out! No, I found out that he got robbed-- in the apartment that we share-- and he hasn't said anything to me. That itself could have been it's own post but she did something else that led to me losing a lot of trust in her (it wasn't cheating or on par with it) which really hurts because I'm an anxious person and would sometimes experience panic attacks of jealousy creating scenarios in my head about how she might lie/cheat/etc. Im 20 bout to have my first but I know my mother would just check the history of the house computer but never my phone or my own personal computer cos she trust me and if I ever had a problem with anything I would talk her I told we about ALL the stuff that was happening at school what the kids were doing and how I felt about that and everything. May 12, 2018 8 Comments Is She Cheating On You, And Lying About It? Instablog9jaC (@instablog9jac) on Instagram: ""At 31 I found out mom lied about the identity of my dad," Lady says, as she reunites with h." Instablog9jaC on Instagram: ""At 31 I found out mom lied about the identity of my dad," Lady says, as she reunites with her biological father" I could tell the chat had been "off the record" up until that line was typed. Anyway, we make up and our relationship continues as normal. I have been thinking about this whole situation a lot for the past couple of days and haven't yet decided if I should bring this up with her or just forget it all and keep moving forward with the relationship like nothing has ever happened. A clinical psychologist weighs in on whether or not it's ever okay to snoopand what these fears can say about your. How do I do this? He has a security clearance he doesnt want to lose and if he types something or searches something that could be deemed questionable, I let him know. Ask him about the texts and apologize for looking through them and move on. Spying with full disclosure for social media (what you discuss here) seems reasonable to me, especially for younger teens. Ask about it and then listen to their answer. I didn't see your reply to her anywhere. Then listen to what he says. I am on the same page as you, access-wise, and my kids know it. really try to talk things out and explain what isn't going to work for you - the jealousy, the lying, the avoiding discussion, etc. With that being said, I feel that it is best to just come clean to your bf, tell him you snooped and what you saw and just talk it out before you let your mind get the best of you. Just as a example me and my partner discuss attraction to strangers every so often. When I was a teenagerback in the Paleolithic era, natchthere were no cellphones. But people change, mature, learn all the time. If youre seeking someone with an entirely different set of values, dont ask this woman to conform to that template. BTW, I am not the one that started with the pejoratives. You owe your BF an apology but of course to do that you first have to admit your transgression. Thank goodness for us that The Man didnt hear us and take the actions that would be taken today! But her husband wasn't ready to let things go. I dont feel its fair to say this relationship doesnt have trust in it or that they shouldnt be living together because she wanted to snoop. I don't even know how to bring all this up to her because it feel like it is so much at once. I dont know how to confront him about this without letting him know I snooped. She told me about her plans and I got excited to hangout with her because I turned in early the first night instead of joining any of the after partying and she went out and told me about all the fun she had. This is where it all got downhill. People are people, and we deal with all sorts of insecurities and issues. an uncool parent!! That means sometimes Im going to spot-check the texts on your phone, because I paid for it and technically, it belongs to me. First, change ALL your passwords --- phone, computer, email, EVERYTHING. I didn't know what to do with it at the beginning as I was utterly puzzled, but ultimately I decided not to give a damn about it, as I have nothing to do with her past and that I love her, disregarding what she had done or how she used to behave. I didnt. Dont ruin a good thing. My answer, say to him something like this: I love you very much and have been happy for a long time. After 8 months, a relationship can seem more serious and, therefore, to some people, scary. You want to disagree with me, fine. I love it!! Its now making me riddled with anxiety that something did happen? Tonight I got into one of my paranoid moods and looked at her Facebook. U should learn trust and also a lot of teens grow up with a lot of issues when treated like that. She's showing you who she is and how she deals with conflict and adversity with her nearest and dearest. (Preferably one that had a really long cord so that you could get as far away from other family members as possible. Her response is what hurt me. I'm a major snoop. At this point I justify going even further and I check her google maps history. At 6 she arrives at the address that guy told her. Archived post. But then you smoke weed and I dont want a boyfriend who smokes weed. Whenever I see her in it feelings from that night are brought back up and she was wearing it that night she lied about where she is. Then she says that she actually did "just make out" with someone but that she was really drunk and it could have gone further. How to Handle Finding Disturbing Content on Your Teen's Phone However, nothing major has happened, and we're confident we can get through this "stage" in our relationship. . However, this morning when I went to look up a movie time on the computer, I found a particularly disturbing chat left open on the screen. I was concerned but he constantly reassured me that they werent doing anything like that. He knows you are a snoop. I then asked in what was probably a passive aggressive way if I could at least say hi to her while I'm out or if I had to just pretend we didn't know each other. Do you think she would be willing to see a therapist? Ok its not cheating but dont ya think if he lies about something like that then he ma. Scan this QR code to download the app now. I could probably tolerate the snooping, but the LYING? Warning long post with edit at the bottom. CNN Here's a scenario to consider: Your partner leaves his cell phone on the dining room table. Does that mean fury over me prying into their lives? One or two humiliating experiences -- like this one -- can actually be an impetus to change that sort of behavior. Well, you know the answer, but don't answer him, don't tell him you snooped. You are lying if you said you never had the urge to snoop. I found out that shed recently started getting high in addition to drinking, sometimes both at the same time. It is possible that something specific triggered her and you can solve the problem. I'm six months into a new relationship with someone who is understanding and loving . explicit permission. Q. Ive always been jealous in relationships. I know shes being dishonest, but so am I by snooping. My usual excuse and it was a good and warranted one! She goes through your phone, lies about it, then. I have a keystroke logger on his computer that updates me every 90 minutes. When they did, I was able to see very clearly that it was NOT Abe she was seeing. say that its bad enough that I would break up with you over using in the first place. A lot of her favorite artists of the past few years are one's that I recommended to her, we see listen to them a lot and see many of them live together. No trust = no relationship. I do love her and have also thought about just keeping it all to myself but its just been eating away at me for the last couple of days and she can tell something is wrong. Terms and Conditions | Privacy Policy | Site by CooperHouse, Raising kids is not for wimps | Woulda Coulda Shoulda. I had passwords and did spot checks too. tl;dr: My girlfriend never mentioned going somewhere with a guy I've mentioned feeling insecure about. Does she always lie about things or is this the first lie you have seen? Have a frank and open conversation . But, like, rage-inducing and character destroying and Let's Break Up Right Now? AskMen, Become a Better Man, Big Shiny Things, Mantics and guyQ are among the federally Another option would be to tell her that this level of distrust is unacceptable, and see if she would be willing to work on it with a counselor either with or without you. Or, maybe he thinks he is "saving me" from unnecessary worrying? Im six months into a new relationship with someone who is understanding and loving. Offer your own opinion for public consumption. I skim and delete. And my boyfriend hasn't said anything about it to me. The one who invited her is a guy I've admitted having jealous feelings about. She gave me access to her laptop to watch Netflix while I usually sit and do my own work but yesterday I noticed her iMessage from her phone was synced to her laptop and it started pinging notifications at me while I was watching a show. give her a chance to realize where this is headed and make amends first before you walk away. Forgot your password, like you already gave it to her? Again he wouldntRead more , Im with you. Their enemies didnt just end up dead, they suffered in the process. My 15 year old daughter hates all things Facebook and describes it as a social sewer and doesnt have anRead more , This is horrible! You haven't told us how serious the relationship really is: have you told each other you love each other? He would most likely use the fact that I invaded his privacy to make me look like the bad guy. My bf didnt reply. My advice is to seek therapy and talk about what a healthy relationship looks like, and why you feel entitled to every piece of private information. I don't know how to proceed. Shouldnt she be able to experience joy without you? I try to take into account how the person on the other side of the story was feeling at the time and not make myself look better and them worse than we really are but I can't be completely sure I'll do a good job of that with the time passed. Sometimes we force people to lie to us becasue we flip out and go overboard when they tell us anything we do not like hearing. "Of the Child whiche kepte the Sheep" by Aesop, translated by William Caxton, edited by Joseph Jacobs, in The fables of Aesop, as first printed by William Caxton in 1484 ( 1484) "A Boy, and Fale Alarums" by Roger L'Estrange, in Fables of sop and Other Eminent Mythologists ( 1692) "The Shepherd's . Yes, walk out! I snooped through his phone after some weird things have been happening. SURFERROSA, You didnt snoop . Thank you for being that link I click to find peace, and a bit of comfort when my typical teen has me wanting to poke my eyeballs out with knitting needles. Do I deserve someone I can actually trust? Please log in OR register. If you want to dump her just do it. Even if Im checking more often, I am judicious about what I choose to address. I [21M] snooped and found out my girlfriend [21F] of 4 years lied about Around 6 I ask her where she is to clarify and she reminds me that she's at her sisters. and our I dont want to be involved with someone who smokes. If I dont have concerns, probably I wont. My eldest, who will turn 12 this month, is monitored in his Skype use and that of iMessage. To my dismay her father told her how I found out so shes changed her passwords and he also refuses to back me up on telling her if she chooses to continue using she needs to be adult enough to also find another place to live and a way to pay for it. Yeah, no such thing as cordless back then, either. How To Tell If She Is Lying About Cheating (This Works 100%) I think it gets trickier with my now-17-year-old. At times, I found things that almost made my husband and me faint dead away. This Is What Snooping Does to Your Relationship Get out before you waste any more of your time. I want to make this as easiest as it can be, because my feelings are so strong for him and hes helped me so much with everything and has never done anything wrong, disregarding everything I just mentioned. And I know I cant bring it up because I snooped. (I am leaving ALL the profundity to you. Stay Calm. Perry index 210; aka The Boy who Cried Wolf. If you tell him it is you you will no longer protect your source. TL;DR: snooped and found out my boyfriend got robbed in our apartment that we've shared for over a year together. While not really the same situation I thought that the level of openness in a relationship was healthy and would translate to my situation. If he persists: what is your source of information? She opened my text messaging and mail apps while I was showering this morning. Snooped and found texts that indicate wife is considering cheating Where do you draw the line? Now her life looks very different than it did back then: Those little kids turned into anything-but-regular teenagers, she is remarried, and somehow shes become one of those people who talks to her dogs in a high-pitched baby voice. Click here to read more. I told him that and he understood. Teens text each other, chat on Facebook, etc. Parents these days want their kids to like them too much and this can lead to their ruin. This is my first real relationship ever and I think it's been a pretty great experience so far, although we have been moving pretty fast. If he doesn't usually talk in a high pitch or swiftly, then he's trying to hide something. For more information, please see our So? Honestly if I bumped into an old jump off on the rare occasion Im out with friends, Id feel super uncomfortable. Uh-oh, our reader has a guilty AND suspicious mind. Im very clear with them about it because its never my intention to be sneaky: I have access, and I will use it if I have concerns. This girl is married but seems hung up on my bf and messages him whens she drunk every 6 months or something like that. I snooped and found out she watched pornography | Love Letters I Snooped Through My Husband's Phone and Hated What I Found She never even went to the party. I dont have any teenagers just yet, but Ive always been the parent with all the rules about what my kids can or cannot do or watch. etc.) Sometimes my kids swear or otherwise use language that doesnt thrill me when talking to their peers. During school, if you wanted to ignore what was happening in class and talk to your friends without getting into trouble, you wrote notes. Reddit, Inc. 2023. I wouldnt say they were oblivious, but I think none of them realized how bad it was. I had to use his facebook for something and I stumbled upon his messages with a man. But the solution isn't to snoop and lie and then avoid discussing it - it's to call you on the behavior or at the very least, to talk to you. Instead she went to hangout with different coworkers. . Great job mom!! You are not a terrible person. Archived post. Neither of us would have hurt a fly, and the idea of a rabid dog who could take down a hated teacher on command was an entertaining story, but hardly an action plan. I considered making an r/relationships post with detail when it was fresh but never did. But not. Maybe I'm just overreacting and like how other people said I'm too controlling and jealous of a person. YAY for snooping. As the saying goes, with great power comes great responsibility. She did nothing wrong. Nah. and our 6 is the time she reminded me she's at her sisters. Nothing she can do is right. Yes she is suddenly insecure, so what? Do you want to get to the bottom of what's really going on, but don't know how? Would seeing those notes have changed anything? Angry girl, yes, but grateful girl when she realized I might be able to help. Would you look?. Then don't be surprised when your bf treats you like thishe would more than likely think twice about doing this to a "wife" - who expects him to step up to the plate and respect her by putting a ring on it. I vividly recall when I snooped on my sister because she hadnt cleared the browser history on the family computer. We are both secure and trusting enough that attraction does not equate cheating. Found out wife texting another man | Talk About Marriage Wow, what time capsule did you come out of? I [28f] have been living with my boyfriend [30m] for a little over a year, and we've been together for about 4 years in total. None, except for yours. Definately a red flag, if not several and in the past I have been a sucker for giving people the benefit of the doubt but if she has had a horrible experience of being cheated on by someone prior etc.. If you are that brittle of a person, perhaps you shouldn't put yourself on social media and invite comments. EDIT: Here's the "thing" that happened 5 months ago since people asked. My boyfriend and I have always had a pretty great relationship until recently. You say she's insecure, so why don't you just reassure her? Never went to a party she originally intended to go to then made up details about the party when I asked her about it. I do regret how I handled it (oh, the drama! Both of us turned out okay as adults, so maybe its a moot point. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! And then he would have said "jumped," anyways, right? I was on the verge of confessing to what happened, but it was late (2 am), we already had an argument before and we both had to wake up early the next morning to go to work. I dont care.