There are many reasons not to check your partners phone, even if you fear that they are cheating on you. I am curious, did Heather ever interfere with the relationship again? Is it ok to have open access to one anothers phones? People reep what the sow. In my husband's case, I expected to find Facebook banter, bookmarked articles, college friend group chats, to-do lists and baby animal videos. WebThe fact that you went through your boyfriends phone is a red flag: it means that you dont trust him enough. My boyfriend went through my phone New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. weve had numerous talks about him and another female coworkers friendship but he always claims that its nothing to be worried about and since i work with all females that i just dont understand the dynamic of working with the opposite gender. 15 Relationship Experts Explain Why Snooping Is A Terrible Idea Who REALLY wants to be blindsided with "I've been having an affair for 3 years," or something like that? I do it because I am nosey and I have an urge to know exactly what is said in his texts (mainly the ones to BM) and he is not always super commuicative or informative and blurs the reality. Plus you can't really end a relationshipsomeone over suspicions solely. Being in a relationship with a person means you trust that their intentions are sincere. What I disagree with is by how you get that information. Since this was off on the wrong foot to start, DH has been completely transparent about whatever they talk about and makes sure to keep me in the loop. It's not about thephone. Hurt By What I Discovered. Submitted by Jojo4124 on Thu, 01/07/2021 - 9:53am. Sometimes that need for privacy is due to the nature of their work where information needs to be protected. That said, it still stung because it reminded me of a period that I'm ashamed to admit out loud. Submitted by Rags on Thu, 01/07/2021 - 3:02pm. It is a violation of their privacy. And if the issue us insecurity or jealousy, it should be addressed in therapy not by snooping, Submitted by Livingoutloud on Thu, 02/20/2020 - 6:36am, If my marriage needed saving by snooping, I'd rather be single and free. She had zero respect for our relationship. 4. We have had to work through a lot of things to discover why he felt the need to keep secrets, and why I should be privy to information which affects me. WhenISN'T it ok to look through your spouses phone. Submitted by Mominit on Wed, 01/06/2021 - 12:36pm, Deleted - apparently this post is a year old! WebNow onto the actual problem: I went through my husband's phone a few nights ago in a panic after a very vivid and graphic nightmare (I think it was triggered by a news story I'd 11 Reasons Not To Go Through Your Partners Phone (+ How Submitted by readingandlearning on Thu, 02/20/2020 - 1:55pm. Anytime you want. My (23f) bf (35m) went out to a business dinner with a woman, that turned into drinks after. I think its very inappropriate that she sends him photos of her dressed up etc and emotionally cheating with her bf by asking him for a kiss, etc. Heres three of the most major reasons why you need to curb this behavior before it ruins your relationship. Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing, Submitted by Kes on Wed, 02/19/2020 - 12:23am. )for 30 minutes, then you turn to his relationship with Heather and your feelings about it (i.e. You two have to sit down together to figure out how to work through this. Your comments were much appreciated . If someone hides their phone, takes it to the restroom with them, turns it upside down, refuses to let you use their phone, deletes messages from their ex, etc. When we first started dating, she begged him back. Some things simply dont concern other people, not directly anyway. Bringing it up after you have moved past it will only aggrevate him. Not due to suspecting he was cheating (if I was at that point I'd be out), but because he neglects to inform me of the full story which inevitably causes trouble for him, I and our family. 4. Thank you for sharing. Right or wrong- whatever I found- If I have lost faith and respect in my spouse then why am I even married? that is a huge red flag! I Looked Through My Boyfriend's Phone Because I Thought He Not just the spouse's privacy, but the privacy of those who communicate with the spouse. "[My husband's] world had come undone, so he was collapsing, so [I I would have had no problem with my ex looking through my phone if he wanted to and would welcome if it would ease his mind and I expect the same in return. Not against it at all. Understandably I was angry about this but I knew that there could be very reasonable explanations for all of these things so I just left it alone. And not necessarily because they don't want you to know, but we don't always think to share with whom and what we're texting about all day. You deserve the best, and you deserve loyalty and respect. We don't sit down and scroll through each others stuff however, if BM is up to her antics again (without asking) DH will just hand me his phone and go "read this crap". I went through my mans phone and found that he had been looking at some pictures on a site called smoking hot selfies. Submitted by strugglingSM on Tue, 05/12/2020 - 12:03pm. Im sorry for the long essay and thank you for reading! Submitted by Thumper on Fri, 01/08/2021 - 11:10am, Submitted by weightedworld on Mon, 01/11/2021 - 10:27am. Submitted by Justthesecondwife on Thu, 02/20/2020 - 5:34am. I guess it's not totally surprising to read him talking about the craze inspiring criminal activity then. Submitted by Livingoutloud on Thu, 02/20/2020 - 6:33am, I think it's a bad idea to marry someone you are suspicious about. 1 / 2. My boyfriend and I have been together little over a year now, and given that Heather does not study in our city, I have actually only met Heather very recently about a month ago. This put an unreasonable and unfair burden on me. Why can't he act like an equal partner and keep you in the loop? If your spouse can't relay information and gets crabby being asked about information relayed to them that you need to know, then that's a problem that will permeate into other areas of your marriage. "When you feel compelled to snoop, youre acting from fear, doubt, insecurity and distrust," Emily Bouchard, a certified money coach, tells Bustle. WebRead a story about a woman who discovered that her husband is still communicating with an ex-flame by going through his phone. I agreewith this. Her advice and perspectives are invaluable. When is it ok to look through your husband's phone. I have brought up my worries about Heather to my boyfriend, several times about how I feel she may still have a soft spot for him based on her affectionate messages (despite her having a boyfriend) to him which I would see from time to time if he was showing me things on his phone and each time, he would sit down and spend how ever long it takes to make me feel better about the situation by saying that he sees her as nothing more than a sister and he would choose me over her in his life etc. When your gut is telling you something's up, it's usually right and if the only way to prove it is to snoop through his phone, go for it. It doesn't fix anything unless you're actually willing to act. I dove next into his notes. But, I dont know where to move forward from here, I do trust him but he had deliberately concealed this information from me, and I dont know what do do. I think people are confusing "snooping" with "agreed upon open access". Why be married to such men? Through Your Partners Phone Went through my husbands phone and found these messages Submitted by justmakingthebest on Wed, 02/19/2020 - 7:44am. I am a separate person from my spouse. I Looked Through My Boyfriends Phone Because I Thought He Was CheatingHe Wasnt And He Dumped Me. My girlfriends text me and sometimes vent to me and pour out their hearts. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. I respect & trust him. A 2012 study by Derby, Knox and Easterling found that about two-thirds of participants admitted to surreptitiously looking through a partners private messages, Either he can be a grown-up and a responsible partner, or he can't. You have to either forgive him fully or none at all. The need to look at someone's phone means there are trust problems in the relationship. WebThe fact that he went through your phone is a clear indication that all is not well. His refusal to keep you updated on matters that affect you would be a big issue, and why should you have to check his phone for him to do that? Archived post. I said no because I wasn't. Hurt By What I Discovered. You will end up feeling worse. It's disrespectful. I get what you're saying that having open and honest communication and access to communication is important to healthy marriages. Snooping occurs when you and your spouse have agreed, to whatever degree, that you won't look through each other's texts and social media. Once that feeling starts, most likely, you have relationship issues whether you look at their phone or not. Even if your partner has done something untrustworthy, that doesn't make snooping okay. 1 of 4. The phone incident may I have nothing to hide. Went through my husbands phone and found Through Your Partners Phone I think it all depends on your relationship. Snooping Through Partners Phone Relationship Advice - Refinery29 If you can't trust your spouse - justified or not - and your spouse won't willing work with you to quell the mistrust (and there are situations where they should just walk away and not work with an unreasonable partner who doesn't trust them), then your relationship is dead. Suspicion begets suspicion after all. I found texts from him to his ex that he knows I hate him talking to, from the night of us fighting. He started a I Looked Through My Boyfriends Phone Because I Thought He Was CheatingHe Wasnt And He Dumped Me. Keeping something private doesnt mean that you are keeping it a secret. April 30, 2023 Infidelity Did you find something on your boyfriends phone that has made you suspicious of him? 442. jagwow 3 days ago. I could go thru his phone any time as he had nothing to hide. I use my notes as a diary app, any venting, ranting, crying, happy/sad thoughts go onto my private notes app. I figured scanning for a telltale racy pic was a good place to start. I personally think if you're at the point you need to look, that instead of looking, be willing to walk away from the relationship. It is Because it just doesn't matter to us. I woke up in the middle of the night to him sneaking my phone back in my room. then probably it's the wrong relationship. Submitted by tog redux on Wed, 02/19/2020 - 5:28am. I think if you have a valid and strong reason to think they are being unfaithful then perhaps it's not unwarranted to contfront them and tell them you need to see their phone.. but that is always a risk that you damage the trust if there was nothing going on. I went through my boyfriends phone and found something! My DW knows about my STalk activity. And I really, really fucking wish I hadn't. Well said, and let's face it, most people are text communicating these days. I am one who thinks going through a spouse's phone is a breach of privacy. Submitted by tog redux on Wed, 02/19/2020 - 7:58am. Ive never gone through his phone, I dont care to. Your boyfriend has sent questionable messages to a girl with whom he has a relationship that youre not entirely comfortable withand he knows it, and he broke your trust in this way. Good Housekeeping participates in various affiliate marketing programs, which means we may get paid commissions on editorially chosen products purchased through our links to retailer sites. I found some text messages between them, one of which was her saying that he was the love of her life and he responded with I hope so as she was really special. I am one who thinks going through a spouse's phone is a breach of privacy.